I paused today to be Thankful.
I am Thankful for this day.
I am Thankful for life.
I am Thankful to breath.
I am Thankful for the ability to live and breathe another day.
Life is worth living.
Life gets better.
Pause, live and breathe another day.
“White House Task Force to Protect Students from Sexual Assault.”
Night after night no sleep.
Night time is the worst.
In the darkness is the unknown.
In the darkness is fear and sadness.
I do not go out at night.
I stay in safe from the darkness.
He cannot come in.
He cannot find me.
I am safe behind my locked door.
I nap during the day.
Or sleep with a loved one to protect me.
The fear of what will happen is hard to overcome.
Trusting in another to save me and protect me is hard.
I must trust others to help me.
To keep me safe.
To care for me.
To shelter me from harm.
Or I will never feel again.
Or I will never be safe.
Or I will never go out at night.
Or I will never sleep.
I want to heal.
I want to be safe.
I want to be free of my guilt and shame.
I want to come and go without fear of the night.
I want to smile again.
I want to feel like me.
I want to sleep peacefully.
In time when I look in the mirror the face that looks back will look like me.
In time that face will heal from cuts and bruises and will look like me.
In time I will heal on the outside.
In time I will heal on the inside.
In time I hope to trust again.
Tonight I will trust a loved one to protect me.
Tonight I will be safe.
Tonight I will sleep.
I pray you have someone to watch over you.
I pray for your safety.
I pray for you to sleep.
Sleep sister I feel your pain.
Sleep sister know I am here for you.
Sleep sister you are loved.
Sleep sister you need to heal.
Sleep sister I’ll see you soon.
Today I found out about a friend who is 19 years old. She was raped on campus at CU Boulder this Fall. I always saw her as a strong women of 6 feet tall and confident. Now I see her as a child trying to figure out how to be safe to survive life on a college campus.
You feel empowered your senior year of high school your ready to take on the world. Then some pugnacious petulant of a person steals from you power over your own body. It’s hard as a friend to see my friend suffer. Its hard knowing what she is going through. The nights that she will wake up afraid to go back to sleep. The sudden smells that will make her remember and vomit. PTSD hits at the most awkward times.
Now she is armed with pepper spray. She is scared of the dark. Has aids test every 2 months. She is afraid to kiss her boyfriend. Life will never be the same. She has lost her innocence.
Now life is shades of gray. Some days more light shines through the barrier. Most days it is hell. It will be like this for months maybe years. It takes a long time to sort through the abuse and brutality of what someone thought they had the right to do to another human being.
If you are reading this post. Please send your prayers and good thoughts out into the universe. Help my friend find peace. Help others who have suffered through attack and rape. Tonight I am praying for all of you. I am sending good thoughts out into the universe. I pray you sleep an innocent sleep unburdened by pain or fear. Good night my friends stay strong you are not alone.
At 17 your whole world is ahead of you. You are innocent. Some waiting for their first kiss or first date. Others waiting for the right one before they give up their innocence. For me it is senior year of high school an I am preparing myself for the brutal world.
I’ve seen what happens to Freshman in college. Some think of it as initiation into college. I think of it as barbarianism. No one should loose their virginity to a curl, revolting, repulsive, repellent person. It is something that should be beautiful between to caring people.
Young love is suppose to be the sweetest. College is suppose to be the best years of your life. My hope for my graduating class is to be safe. I hope your love is beautiful between to people who care about each other. I pray my class helps each other through the difficult years ahead. May none of my classmates be subject to abominable, awful, abhorrent, atrocious, appalling behavior.
Be safe Class of 2014. Lean on each other in hard times. Remember to be good to each other. Remember to be good to yourself.